I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
