i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
