Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize