you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
