I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
