take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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