He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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