just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
