his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
