I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize