Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
