just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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