And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
