I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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