I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we're making bets on your personal life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
