Swine flu. Run for my life!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
