I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
