i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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