i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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