just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
