All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
