just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
