Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
