How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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