we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
