Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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