If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
