After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
