I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
