Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
