You smell like a Billy Joel song
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
