a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
