do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
