My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
