I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
