There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
