just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
