i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
