we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
