he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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