There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
