Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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