8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
