u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize