So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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