Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
