eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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