Betty ford says i'm here all night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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