i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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