Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
