Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
