If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
