shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
