Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
