you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
