party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize