there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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