he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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