Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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