I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
