Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My liver just broke up with me...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
