yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
