So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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