she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
