At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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