We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
