dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
