Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
