I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
