You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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