You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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