Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
