I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
